The 3 Types of Women on Valentine’s Day

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Warning: Some satire may have been used in the writing of this article.

Oh, Valentine’s Day. The day of hearts, candy and melodramatic movies. The day that flower shops are raided, restaurants are filled and chocolate is eaten in astounding amounts.

There are 3 types of women when it comes to this special holiday. You might fit into one, two or have dabbled in all three.

   1. The Romantic Who Really Loves Teddy Bears

Everyone knows this woman. She absolutely LOVES Valentine’s Day. She’s the one in your friend group who always says she “love’s love”. If she has a date, she wants everything to be big, fluffy and perfect. She might even fill her man’s car with chocolate and balloons because she saw it on Jimmy Fallon.

If you’re dating this woman, beware. Plan everything. She expects a perfect day filled with romance, grand gestures and a good amount of candy. Fly her to Italy. Then she’ll be happy.

2. The One Who Wishes Dementors Were Real

She hates Valentine’s Day. Hates it with a sincere passion. She believes Valentine’s Day is the root of all evil. She doesn’t hate love, she just hates the romance, the hearts, the candy and the glorification of a holiday that shouldn’t exist. Her only wish is for the Dementors from Harry Potter to come and take away all the people who love this wretched holiday. This is the woman who will have an anti-Valentine’s party and only serve vegetables.

3. The Netflixer Who Just Doesn’t Care

This is the woman who doesn’t even realize it’s Valentine’s Day. She’s too engrossed in Scandal, The Office or Gilmore Girls to care about what day it is. You could say she’s super chill. She doesn’t love the day and doesn’t hate the day. She just really doesn’t care.  Instead of having to get dressed for dinner, she’d rather lay on the couch, snuggle and catch up on the latest season of her favorite show. She’s the woman who goes to CVS the next day and buys 50% off Valentine’s candy.

Have a wonderful (or terrible) Valentine’s Day!

Which one are you? Tag a friend who’s in one of these categories.

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