An Open Letter to the Guy I Didn’t Date

Originally published in 2015. This is a letter I wrote that showed me just how many (weird) expectations I had of men. 

You asked me out at the oddest time. It was that time of year that I was set in the mentality that I didn’t want to date. I’m an independent woman and I didn’t need a man. You asked me out and I said no.

I was wrong about you. I messed up. You told me how you felt and I brushed it off as a simple crush that didn’t really mean anything. I didn’t see how you could possibly like me. I’m not your type.

I had a checklist that I wanted men to meet. He had to be kind, ambitious, physically attractive, and accepting of my independent lifestyle. He had to have blue eyes, because they’re my favorite color. He had to want to go to the gym with me (#fitcouple). He had to have the potential to be successful in his chosen career. He had to be romantic. He had to like tacos. He had to be a fan of the Colts and hate the Patriots. He had to be perfect.

I didn’t think that was you. I wanted someone to fit in with my life and I didn’t want to change. I wanted a relationship without the work. I wanted a fairytale.

So, I brushed you off. I told you I just wanted to be friends. For that, I’m sorry. I didn’t give you a chance. I was stuck in the mindset of only dating the perfect Disney prince. You might have been him, but I will never know.

You will meet another girl who makes your eyes light up. You’ll fall in love. You’ll be perfectly and incandescently happy. And I’ll still be here. I will be throwing rice at your wedding and wishing you everlasting happiness.

I will always be there as your friend and I’m sorry for all of the expectations I wanted you to meet.


That independent woman who thought she knew what she wanted.

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